Freedom Through Surrender

Have you ever thought you may have a problem with drinking alcohol or using drugs?  Have you tried on your own and found that while you can gain some level of sobriety, freedom from the compulsion to use your drug of choice has been unattainable?

Someone struggling with Alcohol and/or Chemical Dependency may have characteristics of (but not limited to):

• I drink or use in order to get drunk or high on a regular basis.
• I tell myself that I will quit, but never follow through.
• My addiction isolates me from people except when I am getting, using, and finding ways and means to get more.  
• My use has cost me friends, relationships,  jobs or other important parts of my life because I have made my drug of choice the most important thing in my life.
• My addiction has caused pain to myself and to those around me.
• I get angry when someone tells me I have a problem.
• I try to hide my addiction from others.
• I have been trapped in the cycle of thinking "Just one more time and then I'll stop."
• I have been trapped in the cycle of thinking that if someone wouldn't have treated me the way they did, I wouldn't have used.
• I have had moments where I have been defensive about my addiction and justified my right to use, especially with prescriptions.
• I have used drugs or alcohol to find contentment when things get hard or stressful.
• I feel powerless to stop using.
• I have lied to others about using drugs or alcohol.
• I use drugs or alcohol as a way to escape from having to deal with life.

It's hard to admit that we have a problem with drugs and alcohol.  If two or more of the above statements echo your way of thinking pertaining to your drug or alcohol use, you should consider whether you struggle with chemical dependency.

Only you can make the decision if Twelve Stones Recovery is right for you.  We are more than happy to walk through with you on how others have and are actively finding freedom from chemical dependency.

Anger is one of the basic emotions that God has given us; however, we have to learn constructive ways to express this emotion.  Many people choose anger as the main way to express emotion.  When someone struggles with anger, they must learn to acknowledge and recognize their unhealthy patterns.  They must also recognize the emotions and circumstances that cause them to become angry.

Someone who struggles with anger may not realize that their anger stems from other basic emotions; usually pain or fear.  Individuals who struggle with anger often become addicted to the cycle of justifying it by thinking things like, "if he/she didn't do this to me, I wouldn't get so mad or have gotten into this fight."  We must understand that while God gave us the emotion of anger, we must choose to use it in a productive and healthy way.  Those who struggle with anger are stuck in the cycle of using anger as a way to cope and get their desired results from others.  Often, individuals have a hard time recognizing that they are hurting loved ones and themselves while allowing anger to take over as their way to deal with hard events in their lives and relationships.

There are two types of anger, adaptive anger and unhealthy, needless anger.  We have to acknowledge and choose to accept our personal responsibility for unhealthy anger.  That is the first step to recovery from the Addiction to Anger.

• We must learn to understand and evaluate our anger.  God has given us this emotion but we must realize how to use it in a productive and healthy way.
• We must learn to not let our shame and guilt about anger keep us from God.  We can turn to God for guidance, strength, and comfort.
• We have to acknowledge the event of being stuck in the cycle of anger and using it as our coping mechanism.
• We have to understand that our anger response can be constructive or destructive.  Which one is yours?
• We must learn to understand that anger is necessary and healthy and we have to talk about it.
• We have to acknowledge that our anger is our own emotion, however it is important that we not hurt others with our anger.

Through the steps at Twelve Stones Recovery, individuals who struggle with anger will learn who to surrender their addiction to anger to.  Individuals will begin to understand that unhealthy anger causes them to live in a state of conflict and not a place of peace.  They will begin to understand that God is in charge and the love He has for them is unconditional.  They will grow through daily quiet time, learning to deal with issues in love, working the recovery steps, and learning to forgive themselves and others.

Codependency is when an individual's need for approval or validation from another person allows them to be controlled or manipulated.  An individual who struggles with codependency attempts to manipulate a person or outcomes.  An individual is willing to compromise their own values, choices, and behavior at the expense of their own well-being.  Codependents will allow the behavior of another person to affect their own behavior to the point where they will be consumed with that person and their problems.  Sometimes, codependents are thought of as fixers.  Other times they are thought of as the person who just cannot walk away.  And other times, they insert themselves into situations that my not involve them.

Someone struggling with Codependency my have characteristics of (but not limited to):

• I try to control my environment (people, circumstances, events) believing it is the only way I will be happy and have inner peace.
• I am extremely loyal but also insecure.  Self-doubt is a constant struggle.
• I take responsibility for the feelings and behaviors of others.
• I have a hard time identifying and expressing my own feelings.
• I worry about how other people will respond to my feelings, opinions, and behavior.
• I often think or have feelings of not being enough, valued, or loved.
• I fear rejection or being hurt by others.
• I over-commit or over function in order to feel needed, valued, or loved.
• I tolerate mistreatment or abuse from others while justifying their behavior or trying to defend them.
• I overly care for others at the expense of my own needs.  I often end up feeling victimized as a result.
• I struggle with creating boundaries and sticking to them.
• I directly or indirectly try to fix, manage, or control another person's problems to help them avoid consequences or negative feelings due to their choices.
• I often struggle with the conflict of feeling the desire to be needed and resentment for feeling obligated to help others.
• I struggle with being loyal, to the point of staying in harmful situations too long.

It's hard to admit that we have a problem with codependency.  Codependency is an addiction  that is more relational.  The good news is that we do not have to live this way.  We can make the choice to learn to take responsibility for our own lives and allow others to take responsibility for theirs.  We are more than happy to walk through with you how others have started and continue to learn to break the cycle of being codependent and have healthy boundaries.

Food Addiction can show itself in many ways.  Oftentimes, an individual uses their body as their measure of self-worth.  The behavior can vary from daily binges, excessive exercising to self-induced vomiting and starving oneself.

For some it can be compulsively overeating, anorexia, and bulimia.  For others, it could be a high intake of sweets.  It can affect relationships, health, and other areas of their lives.  The compulsive behavior or habit is the result of the individual running from pain, love, lack of self-worth, abuse, or even shame.  The body is used to create an illusion that gives an untrue sense of self-worth.  Some use food as their way of coping with the feeling of abandonment, fear of intimacy or trying to escape from some type of emotional pain.  This is often their way of feeling in control and escaping from dealing with being hurt or stressful situations.  It's easy in the beginning to rationalize the behavior because it's often thought of as "it's just food."  Eventually, though, behaviors can have serious repercussions such as malnutrition, cardiac arrest, diabetes, kidney damage, dental damage, and risk of death.

Do you find yourself:

• Consumed with yearning to be thinner?
• Withholding food or starving yourself after binge eating?
• Vomiting after binge eating?
• Excessively exercising to burn calories?
• Using laxatives or enemas to discard food you have eaten?
• Feeling uncomfortable after eating sweet foods and avoiding foods with sugar in them?
• Viewing food as your friend or your go-to when things feel out of control?
• Changing the way you eat depending on your feelings?  Such as feeling sad, afraid, ashamed, angry, or anxious?
• Dieting repeatedly to end up sabotaging your weight loss?
• Feeling ashamed of your weight or body image, which leads you to binge eat?
• Hiding your eating habits or behaviors from others?
• Feeling or saying that you are fat even when people tell you differently?
• Being afraid that you may not be able to stop when you go on a binge?
• Feeling guilty or ashamed after eating something that is not permitted on a diet?

The above questions are just a few to ask yourself to see if you may be struggling with your relationship with food and/or body image.

Addiction to food is something that starts with low or negative self talk.  It becomes a way for the person to hide or numb a feeling of not being enough, dealing with negative events or an unhealthy body image.  Nobody has to live this way.  You can begin to learn to view yourself in the mirror as God sees you, surrender the false image of yourself and accept your worth in Jesus Christ!

Individuals who struggle with Love and Relationship Addiction find themselves seeking a relationship regularly, whether healthy or not.  The feeling that a relationship will "complete" them or bring them happiness that they have been longing for.  They use love and relationships as a way to attain their worth.  Relationships and romance are/or have become dominant factors in the life of one addicted to love and constantly feeling as if they need to be in a relationship.

Someone struggling with Love & Relationship Addiction may have characteristics of (but not limited to):

• Outer appearance of having it all together to hide low self-worth.
• Refusal to acknowledge that a problem exists in the way you prioritize/establish a relationship.
• Doing way more in the relationship to make it work by renouncing your own self-worth for the sake of just being in a relationship.
• Can be manipulative and controlling.
• Confusing sex as love.
• May live a double life or keep secrets pertaining to relationships.
• Often thinks every relationship is "the one."
• Cycles through relationships.  Often has a new relationship right after the last one ended.

Finding and maintaining sobriety from Love and Relationship Addiction can be complicated due to the fact that it is a people addiction, much like a food addiction, because you can not give up food completely; just as we cannot completely give up personal relationships.  The goal is to learn to eliminate the unhealthy cycle while discovering and growing in a Godly healthy cycle of what He designed a relationship to be.

Answering the following questions can help to determine if certain behaviors or choices will contribute to a healthy relationship or lead to addictive behavior:

• Is it abusive to myself or others?
• Is it contradictory to my values?
• Is it an action or choice without fundamental commitment?
• Am I doing this to escape painful feelings of reality or to fill a void?
• Am I doing this because I am lonely or afraid to be alone?
• Am I cycling in and out of relationships?
• Do I think I need to be in a relationship to be happy?

If romance/relationships have been a controlling element in your life, you probably answered yes to one of these questions.  Twelve Stones Recovery is a place where you can walk alongside others and work the biblical steps of recovery.  You can learn who you are in God's eyes and find your value first in Him!

First, let us tell you that you are NOT alone.  Many have a history of abuse of some sort in their background.  The goal is to enter into and/or maintain recovery which is a two-fold process.  The first step is to walk into healing from the traumatic events that have been done to us in our past.  The second step is walking in our healing from the impact and influence these past traumas and experiences continue to have in our present lives.

Often, survivors of abuse...

• Feel isolated, worthless, depressed, and helpless to change.
• Are struggling with feelings about God due to the trauma resulting from the abuse.
• Might struggle with identifying themselves as a victim.
• Deny themselves that the past abuse affects their current relationships and circumstances.
• Might question if their life has purpose.
• Out of control in certain areas of compulsive behaviors.
• Feel a lack of self-worth; feeling bitter, angry, rebellious, and even have trouble with authority.
• Might question their own sexual identity.
• Struggle with an "all or nothing" mindset; perfectionism.
• Feels safer at home in crisis situations.
• Desires to feel safe in intimate relationships and explores to regain their sexuality.
• Might feel that the abuse was their fault.

Survivors of abuse can experience healing though recovery when:

• We fully understand that the abuser is responsible for their actions.  We will not accept or live in shame or guilt stemming from our abuse.
• We acknowledge that we do not have the power to heal the damaged emotions caused by abuse.  We decide to look to God for the power to walk in our healing.
• We surrender to and acknowledge that God's plan for our lives encompasses victory over the experience of abuse.
• We choose to look to God and His Word to discover our true identity as a valued and loved person.
• We acknowledge and accept our responsibility for our response to the abuse.
• We are willing to surrender and accept God's help in the decision and journey of forgiving ourselves and others who hurt us.
• We honestly and transparently share our feelings with God and at least one other individual.
• We are willing to be used by God in our recovery as we walk out our healing and restoration.
• We understand and know that the abuse was NOT our fault.  God has a plan for YOU.  YOU are worthy.